Here is the (mostly full…I spared ya the real graphic ones lol) gallery of my Redmond Oregon Home Birth of my third baby girl, Lillian Grace. One of the super special parts of this very special home birth was that my dear friend Molly used my camera to document the birth and fortunately she was born during the day so we had stellar lighting! I met Molly two years ago when she hired me to photographer her third baby’s home birth; which was my first opportunity to document a birth which has been my DREAM niche since my oldest was born seven years ago. So check out these amazing shots she got that I edited and keep scrolling for the whole home birth story! (and stay tuned for perhaps a future birth photography team launch from Molly & I)
To start this one off; I have to back up a bit and cover some key points of this Pregnancy, and a few from my previous two births.
I found out I was pregnant with Lillian the day before my 29th birthday. So, following the immediate Joy, as this was a planned venture, was immediate apprehension. After not one, but two traumatic hospital inductions, I was so disheartened to face labor and delivery again. And mind you it wasn’t necessarily the pain of childbirth itself. With my first delivery my epidural caused respiratory distress for me and I was put on oxygen so they turned it all the way down, and with my second; well she fetal ejected from me while they were trying to place the epidural. SO, the pain of childbirth wasn’t the fear. Been there done that. It was the fear of the providers making it infinitely more painful by dismissing my intuition of where my labor was at, being condescending, performing procedures without consent, coercing me into medications that did not work, and all together making me feel as though my body failed me, when in reality; they failed me.
So I waited weeks and weeks to even think about who my provider would be. I felt trapped by my prior circumstances of inductions for gestational hypertension. But I kept circling back to the Mandala Midwifery website. I wasn’t sure if insurance would cover it, I wasn’t sure if my husband would agree, and I really wasn’t sure if they would take me on with my history. Finally I discussed it with my husband and he agreed, if we could avoid the hospital it would be best for all of us. But I knew they may still tell me that my history of Gestational Hypertension would risk me out of care. I was so happily surprised every single appointment by the teams expertise and empathy for me.
Fast forward 8+ months later and after receiving amazing prenatal care, advice for protocols to prevent hypertension, etc…. After almost a whole pregnancy of 120/65, I got my first high BP while Joe was across the country and out of service at training. I was DEVASTATED. Like big gasping chest heaving sobs devastated. I had known it was a possibility but I had gotten so encouraged throughout the pregnancy that it wrecked me to find myself worse off than I had been before. So at my 36 week appointment I sat in the office with Allegra and Ellen and my two big kids and cried over my hugely swollen feet and failing body. They both gave me big comforting hugs, but they didn’t give me the pity look. I knew the next words out of Allegra’s mouth would be to gently prepare me for the hospital trip.
BUT THEN IT WASN’T.
She calmly explained that she had seen women make it to home births despite my data and then she layed out my options; we would start monitoring with Lab work immediately and let the numbers tell us what needed to happen next, and if the numbers were manageable we would start on prescription BP medication, and we would keep going until it wasn’t feasible anymore. (They have specific data points and BP points where they decide you have risked out of a home birth to ensure your safety and your baby’s safety)
So we did round after round of labs over the next two weeks, they started out much better than I expected and slowly but surely declined with each blood draw. I had to make some calls and get Joe headed home early and was finally able to talk to him after 2 or so weeks. He made it home and we kept on with the lab work and the medication keeping everything in check. I felt comforted that everyone was doing everything they could for our goals, but I was starting to feel the impending doom of yet another induction. (Inductions aren’t inherently bad… but mine definitely were)
Then we made it to our first bad round of truly labs. Not bad enough to head to the hospital yet but out of the normal and into the abnormal readings. At this point I felt a ton of peace about what my midwife had tried for me, and felt reasured that they would come with me to the hospital. I knew this time would be different because of that alone. Afterall, I was only 38 weeks, the ticking time bomb that was my placenta (at least that’s the theory) was about to outrun my dream for spontaneous labor.
So I prepared myself for the damning sentence again… BUT THEN. Allegra tells me she’s had mamas of multiples with high blood pressure deliver early with a little coaxing. Seriously, if I could have given her a medal I would have; just for trying so hard for what I asked for instead of dismissing it. But I still did not believe it at all, it would take a miracle. So she offered me a membrane sweep (they reach into the vaginal canal and through the cervix to separate it from the bag of waters to try to trigger labor) Now I’ve had two of these before in conjunction with medical methods (one against my consent) neither seemed to work, but I trusted Allegra enough to try it.
August 1st (YAYYY not another July baby!)
So we all loaded up and headed for her office, she briefed me on all the risks of trying to initiate labor early and she did the membrane sweep (a really good one cause OWWWW) then I went home and tried to get some rest just in case. I woke up sometime after midnight to some cramping thinking, okay this will go for the next day then go away. I wandered the house for a few hours before realizing the cramping was becoming semi consistent. (In hindsight what a dummy! hahah) then Joe eventually woke up and I sent him off to work and got ahold of my friend Molly who would be photographing the Birth and being morale support. She assured me I had been in labor the whole time LOLZ! So I went to take a shower around 8:30 and noticed I’d lost my mucus plug so I called my mom, who also assured me I was in labor. So I called Joe home hilariously and Molly insisted on heading over (bless her)! They all showed up between 9 and 9:30 am and I was already needing to breathe through contractions. (STILL DIDN’T BELIEVE I WAS IN LABOR!) Molly convinced me to call the Midwives and despite my urging that I wasn’t sure if this was it, they knew, and headed over around 10:45 am. At this point I was very much so in Active Labor moaning through contractions every 3 minutes for a minute. Joe did such a great job managing having the big girls there and staying with me. Poor guy, not sure what it is but he is literally the only pain reliever that works so he doesn’t get to step away during our births.
That continued and intensified up until almost 1 pm. I tried a bunch of different positions but none worked as well as just standing and leaning. Allegra periodically checked Lillian on the doppler and i began to go feral. She knew I didnt want any cervical checks so she said if it felt right to me I could check myself to see if I could feel my bag of waters. (DUDE SO EMPOWERING!) I did and told her I could feel it so every few contractions I would feel to see if it got lower which it did and that helped my mental state a ton! Finally she told me she thought if I pushed a bit with the next contraction or two that my water would break and bring the baby with it. Low and behold it did! AND THEN I PANICKED.
With my first baby my water broke 24 hours before she was born and when I tell you I was in hell without the cushion down there I’m not exaggerating. I looked up at Joe in sheer terror but he very calmly reminded me that this time was different and we were so close to meeting her. (with our second, after they broke my water and told me I was only at 5cm and should get the epidural if I was handling the pain that badly…. She was born 30 minutes later. YEP 5cm to birth in 30 min while I sat screaming for an epidural that was never going to work because they didn’t believe my pain level.)
So Allegra offered to check me and I told her yes but only if she didn’t say any bad news; she smiled big and asked if I wanted to know and she said I was at least 9.5 cm and was about to meet my baby. Less than 10 minutes later I was shaking and screaming, I always forget that part where you can literally feel the tissues down there coming apart. And in just a few pushes while I dang near climbed on top of Joe, Ellen caught her and handed her up to me just before 1 pm on August 2nd. We had previously discussed risk mitigation of an intramuscular Pitocin shot to be on the safe side and I agreed so Allegra got me with that and Ellen sat with me, and Joe kneeled down with me and said “hey you did it!”
The team got me to the bed and Ellen started taking some vitals on Lillian. The Pitocin kicked in and kicked my ass. The afterbirth contractions were brutal and I started asking for Allegra to help me deliver the placenta. Hilariously since I was adamant I wanted no active management of that stage of labor but I was OVER IT with the contractions. She got me to the edge of the bed and I started to feel really aggressive and was struggling with the pain so I asked for them to cut the cord I needed to hand Lilly off to her Dad. I felt guilty at first but looking back I see that she was attached to the placenta for a solid 15 minutes after birth (in comparison to less than a minute for her big sisters).
My expert midwife stepped in and had me get to the edge of the bed and put a slight bit of downward pressure on the placenta and it slid right out and THENNN I finally felt that birth high relief.
I spent the next hour or so with baby girl and the big girls. Joe brought me a crunch wrap supreme, and my mom made it over to meet the sweet girl. Then Allegra and Ellen helped me to the shower and into the glorious adult diaper & changed my sheets so I could get back in, then they gave me big hugs and left us to settle in.
Lillian’s Pregnancy and birth was every bit the redemption story I had prayed for. I was initially so disheartened to be showing signs of pre-eclampsia again, but ultimately it was all the more glorious to have it and have our home birth anyways. This birth also made me realize truly how impactful a birth story is to the mom and the baby. It can change the way you bond and heal. It can change so much about your relationship with that baby for so long.
I am forever grateful for my midwife Allegra Lilly (see what I did there?) and student midwife Ellen Morningstar. From the first appointment through our postpartum appointments, they were worth their weight in gold as providers and humans. I would pay their fees many times over for the model of care, experience, and just over all badassery they provided.
